lets take a long walk at the park.-jill scott

a match made in heaven set the fires in hell ;]

its been a while.

well well we meet again.

School has been a drag. Gave me a mental break down. Where i ended shutting myself down from the world for a few days. I still feel weary. its just so stressful, having alot on your shoulders.
I sort of shut down some people in my life that i felt were in the way. in due time i'll be back but for now, My main focus is on school. waiting on this semester to be over--right now.

MOTIVATION- is like money, so hard to hold on to. Sometimes i just feel like saying F.ck it. its easier than fighting it. but I quitting is the last thing i want to do. I know I have goal that i cant just give up on. a childhood dream that I cant let die.

School has been the only thing in my life thats happening. no excitement no partying but I still try to smile.

to you from me

hey you, just wondering whats been going through that noggin of yours. Ive been meaning to tell you yeah, i kinda miss you. well know kind of would have be a underestimate.

its not you its me. no not really. It's you. where did you go? though seriously. you were so good and now i have no idea who you are or where you're at. Do i need to come looking for you.. No, I did enough of that. you'll come back one day right?...

On a serious note, i'm leaving soon... sooner than you think. If i cant find you what is there for me to stick around for. how long am i going to be searching. it gets tiring. im busted.. body all worn out.. walking those miles to you. waiting for you to suddenly appear. it's as if you're becoming a stranger. I just hope i find my way home.

I cant fathom having you deleted from my memory. Or atleast trying to come to a conclusion that you dont exist.

slowly fading. you're fading slowly. surely.

goodnight.goodbye you.
goodmorning.hello stranger.
Sincerly, yours truly.

and i just wonder.

feeling like its my last breath .. taking it all in. trying to look at the picture. trying to back away. but im not moving. it gets hard everyday. spiritually in need of healing. some sort of. as well as soul cleansing.

Everything is everything.

you come across so many people every day of your life and do you ever wonder how you have affected them. Many of us will be like "I could careless what they think about me" it's not even about that. It's that impression or the last word you've said to them. I know with me sometimes someone says something to me pleased or not i'll have a memory of it. Even if it made not react to it. but most of the times its when i have a reaction it. :\ Like that first conversation I have with you will be a every lasting one. It's not like thats what im going to think of you throughout our whole relationship.
Sometimes i hate my left brain for remebering alot of things that i dont want to remember. Iknow the poeple in my life dislike it. But i cant help it.

kept my feelings underground.

"Just Want You Around"

I just want you around
I just want you around
I just want you around
I just want you around

Thought that I had lost you
I can hardly make a sound
When I thought I couldn't hold you
Knew the world had let me down
Should have took the time to tell you
You keep my feet on the ground
I hope that you can hear me
Cause I know its not profound

I just want you around
I just need you around
I just want you around
I just need you around

When I thought I was without you
I got used to being down
It was my fault I used to doubt you
But that aint me next time around
Please believe me when I tell you
Cause all my words are bound
This is my cross now let me bare it
I was lost but now I'm found-found-found

I just want you around
I just need you around
I just want you around
I just need you around

Took this love for granted
Kept my feelings underground
Should have watered what I planted
Should have known what I have found
I'm not used to being lonely
I don't like the way it sounds
You're the only one I know-yeah
Who don't turn my upside-down

I just want you around
I just need you around
I just want you around
I just need you around
Yeah I want you around
I just need you around .......

How beautiful is fruit still in denial of its roots?

othing can be done against the truth
No matter how we remain in denial, yeah
Wasting time
Replacing time
With each empty excuse
But that'll only work a little while
Coping with despair
Knowing you're not there
Ashamed to just admit
I've been a fool
So I blame it on the Sun
Run away from everyone
Hoping to escape this ridicule
Trapped in misery
Wrapped so miserably
In this deception that im wearing like a skin

Dying to mantain
Oh I keep trying to explain
A heart that never loved me to begin
Oh I'm such a mess
I have no choice but to confess
That I've been desperately trying to belong
Lying to myself
And everybody else
Refusing to admit my right was wrong
How beautiful is fruit still in denial of its roots?
My guilty heart behaved so foolishly
This treason from within
That reasons with my sin
Won't be happy til it sees the death of me
Selfishly addicted
To a life that I depicted
Conflicted cuz it's not reality
Oh what's left of me
I beg you desperately
Cause me to agree with what I know is best for me
Please save me from myself
I need You to save me from myself
Please save me from myself so I can heal

The choices that Ive made
Oh have been nothing but mistakes
What a wasted use of space
Should I die before I wake?
In all of my religion
I've fortified this prison
Obligated to obey
The demands of bad decisions

Please save me from myself
I need You to save me from myself
Please save me from myself so I can heal.