"I don't want you to hate me this is about us, Rather Me; I ain't ready to be what you want me to be"
As I woke up this morning and I got ready I decided to change my status to " This should be an interesting day =["..upside down smile indeed... I decided to go see my ex's sister/family today. I greeted him ofcourse because we were good. but it kinda felt awkward. The type of person I am I said "Hi" ofcourse and went into the living room. So his sister and I went to go chitchat. His mother comes out and she was excited to see me because I haven't seen her in forever. she asked me hw was doing and blah blah. Then ofcourse she asked about her son and if he knows i'm here and i told her 'Yes I greeted him." and the sister was "You tryna make them work it out"... and I was like its not going to happen. and got quiet. It's nice that they like me and everything it's just hard for me to be with someone who I cant see myself spending the rest of my life with. I use to see the reflection but just cant anymore. ....... As I was trying to say my goodbye to him it took more time than I thought. Idk why I thought it wouldnt be like this bc i was feeling sooo goood. But when I was in his presence it was a whole different scenario. I kept my cool and everything but as time passed by we kept laughing and joking then end up arguing over our ex'relationship. then he started playing music then I ended up just crying. Idk why. Maybe because the music he was playing I felt what they were saying or I'm just a very emotional person. I really didnt think I was. But with him its a different story. He makes me soo weak. Maybe because his the only guy I ever known.OR The only guy I've Loved BUT that shouldnt be my excuse. My day has turned upside down. I cant stop thinking about the situation. this really sucks. I just need to go back to the mindstate i've been having lately.Get it together
Get it together
Get it together.
I'm done with fussing with him through text messages. I'm tired of being sad whenever he comes into my life. its either that or stressing me out. I know I dont need that inmy life. Just let me go. I wish I went to Africa. All this nonsense is not neccesary.
you don't find healing through fleeing from tough situations. you know that. you've been doing wonderfully. you have a strong support system, in the physical as well as spiritually. that mindset that you've been having, let's bring it back. let's re-up. you've got to stop time traveling, backwards. the present is a gift. the future is jealous. don't look back. be strong. you've come so far. the weak recline. the strong incline. keep that bobble head up.
ReplyDeletesalaam.
what hurts the most is knowing that the only person u ever actually love doesn't want you anymore,its like having your wings clipped in mid air and plummeting, staring at the moons light, it is so radiant yet one can never fully enjoy it ever again because its so far gone..and even though one may never fly again at night from earth you kan hear ones heart howling for the moon....
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqiwtfqiono